Different Ball Game

It was a different ball game today with Mr747. As usual, we decided to meet for dinner after work and as usual, I was looking forward to this. It seems like we both cannot get enough of each other and it was just so nice to have someone so compatible. We went and had dinner at Jamie Oliver’s restaurant.

As usual, we decided to walk around a bit after our dinner. We walked through this University of Western Sydney and checked out some stuffs they put up on the wall. It was some woodwork decor which he was going on and on about it, to which I thought was adorable. Then, we both decided to sit down at the staircase of some office building, which was parallel to the train tracks. In front of us, we could see the trains whooshing past. Then, something happened. We held each other’s hands.

“I feel so comfortable with you. I like this feeling of being able to hold your hand” What can I say to this? I like it too. We both had one of those quiet moments as we held each others’ hands and watched the train passed by us at full speed. Then, he decided to walk me home. When we said goodbye, I could see that he was being a bit hesitant to leave. To this, I said “Here we go. I know you want to.” And I opened up my hands in a welcoming position for a hug, to which he hugged me tight. Then, we kissed a bit. And, as usual, he said “I should not do this”. I moved away. Then, at the point where it was both our cue to say goodbye and walk away, he was just standing there again. To this, I joked “I can read your mind that you still want to give me another hug”. I was not sure but he gave in and gave me another tight hugs.

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As he ran off into the darkness to his way home, I went back up feeling all happy about this completely turn of roles between us. I was not so sure to secure my feelings towards him but it does feel like we were progressing to becoming more than friends. So, I decided to give him this text.

Me: By the way, reality check. You can’t be scared of hurting others, mr. Cos it’s both ways. You can’t always blame yourself for that. To me, the real deal is not the result. It’s the journey. I’ll never force you but take my hand while it’s there.

Him: I know. But I value you too much already. So many have walked away. I want to be friends and then maybe develop that to more.

Me: You think I don’t value you? It aches that I can’t do what I please with you cos I’m worried I might go against your rule book. Though it’s cute it’s you who’s been breaking it.

Him : I know. And I always do that. I know you value me. But I overthink.

Me : So do I.

Him : Not on purpose.

Me : Same here. I have little tiny voices saying stuffs.

Him : Just me.

Me : I respect that.

Him : Being kind of guarded is me.

Me : I understand. Being scared to make a mistake to lose you forever is me. That’s me overthinking.

Him : We’re so the smae.

Like I said, it’s a completely different ball game!

Non Play-Tonic

This has happened to me before and I cannot put a finger on it but I think I have a fear of being in a group. I do not mind crowds and people has said how much of an extrovert I am, although I beg to differ. However, I do not really like a ‘village’. What do I mean by ‘village’? It is just a group of people, more than five members, that could get supertight until things just revolve around each other. Nothing productive comes out of it and as much as there is a good sign of friendship among the group, it does ignite a spark of drama amongst the members.

Instead of going out last night to Arq, which I would normally do on a Friday to end up waking up with a bad hangover on the next Saturday morning, I woke up today to a sober Saturday morning with the pleasant notion that I am going to enjoy my day. I was meeting my bro-from-another-mo, BroJ00, a bisexual friend who I’ve met from Tinder and with whom the friendship has become more awesome and interesting given both of us have this awesome appreciation for “How I Met Your Mother”.

I took my friend to this place called MasterBowl in Chinatown. It’s this place where you tick all these things on a check list and all of these would be friend in a huge bowl with chilli; you can also choose your own chilli level. The cool thing about going out with this friend of mine to this type of restaurant is the fact that we both do not give a shit about what we pick but we just tick whatever we want. It ended up costing $96.00. From black fungus to duck’s gizzard, we just order whatever we think sounds delicious. It was worth it to be honest since we both ended up taking some leftover home. Before I blog on, you would appreciate the 96 dollars worth of food when the food looks as good as this.

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BroJ00 and I were supposed to go see a movie after our lunch but we ended up walking around town. Sydney was celebrating Chinese New Year and it was worth walking around town looking at pop-up ambience decors. My friend then took me to this bar he once stumbled into tipsy. It was called The Republic and I have to admit it was a pretty good change to just have a seat in a straight bar, sipping on cool beer on a cruel cruel day.

So, the plan afterwards was to meet up with another friend of mine, who has the same name as one of the auditoriums in my uni back in my uni years. Now, this friend, MrAuditorium, is a guy I got to know from “Are You Interested” Facebook application years ago. We added each other on Facebook without having met since I was in Myanmar and he was in Australia. When I got back here, we met up but I was with my ex back then. So, nothing happened but for some reason, I feel pretty close to him. Although I am not too sure he would be my type, I do have a thing for him. It’s true what they say! Personalities do attract after all.

MrAuditorium does not really live in Sydney but he is currently taking sign language course, where he would have to come to Sydney once every week. I took him out for dinner, followed by a night out at Palms, another one of my favorite gay venues on Oxford Street. It was so good to see him again. This time around, I am single but to be honest, it kinda makes things a wee bit awkward. I did not know if I were supposed to do anything with him or expect anything with him.

Even though I really enjoy being out with MrAuditorium tonight, it was not really a good idea to tkae him to a gay venue. And it was also bad timing how there seemed to be a lot of good looking guys at Palms. Not only were there good looking guys but a few of them kinda made eye contact with me or smiled at me. I know I do not owe my friend any explanation and I could’ve just flirted with these guys but given I also flirt with this friend of mine and I was taking him out, I felt a bit guilty to be flirting with others.

BroJ00 joined us as well. He was worried he would be a third wheel to me and my friend. But, to be honest, I was glad he was there. I do not know how to explain it. BroJ00 and I always have good time when we go out. There was nothing awkward between us and it was just pure friendship. Whereas with MrAuditorium, I cannot really be myself around him since I do not really know whether I was playing a platonic card or the flirt cards with him.

Given MrAuditorium has an early class the next day, I had to leave Palms early at 1am. BroJ000 left as well, a bit disappointed the pub did not play his favorite La Bouche’s song. As much as I would like to stay on and flirt with those hot guys, I was glad I went home early. Given I could not get myself to be able to flirt with other guys while I have my other flirt-friend out with me, it was a bit of a suffer to just stand there and do nothing with these hot guys.

Guessing Blind

My mom has always been a bit of a worrying freak and I know it’s only because she loves me a lot. She’s well known for worrying about the smallest things you could think of. But then, when you come to think of it, those little things are such big deals; it’s only that it can come across as nagging at times and of course, naturally, nobody likes to be nagged.

I am as blind as a bat and I usually wear contact lens when I go out. I try to wear glasses at home as much as I can but when I go out, I would always wear contact lens. I am quite hygienic but at times, I can be very careless with contact lens. I would always put it on or take it off without washing my hands. I would sleep with them. I would sometimes just put them on without even moistening it with the cleanser.

So, my mom would always make this comment about how the eyes of a human being are one of the most important senses. Both mom and I know that five senses of a human being are all equally important but then again, come to think of it, it would suck to be blind and I have nothing but respect and empathy towards blind people or those who were born blind.

As much as it’s so motivating to hear of real life stories about how blind people live normal or how some of them even ace better than that of non blind people in life, it dose sound scary to imagine myself being blind. I was thinking about this on Saturday night when I was in bed with MadonnaFan. It had nothing to do with the topics of the conversation we both had. It had to do with us being naked on his bed in a dark room.

Given both of us only got naked only after we got into bed, I did not get to see what was down under (if you know what I mean). It’s not that it matters but given we were already naked in bed together, it’s only fair that my hand ventured off on its own until it meats his cock. I felt like a perve but that did get our motors turning and we started to feel each other. The only problem was that the lights were off.

You know when you stay in a dark room for a long time, you can start to get used to the darkness and you start to make shapes of things around you as your eyes adapt to this darkness? Well, after a while, my eyes started to see the things around me. The walls and the ceilings. I did not want to get my head up to check out what his schlong looks like so I started to cop a feel. Well, it wasn’t that much of a copping a feel as I started to touch his manhood with every parts of my palm.

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In that second, I thought to myself “What if I was blind”. Then, I started to shape or imagined the sight of it inside my head. I could not do it. I visualized other objects as well to compare the size with. Spray can, carrots, eggplants, you name it, I visualized it all. I did have a rough estimate but I was not satisfied. I did not feel as if I had a proper guestimation of the size and shape of his manhood. I struggled to get the image right in my head and even worse, I did not feel any fulfillment or success in doing so.

Finally, I gave in and popped my head upright to peep at his manhood. It looked like one of the visuals I had but still I was not satisfied with my skills of shaping objects with my hands. It was then that I realized how valuable my mom’s words were. I used to cringe and scoff it off whenever she nags too much about it. In all fairness and in my defence, my mom can be quite naggy at times but yeah, I do not think I’ll be able to live life as a blind person.

Freaked out, I have started to be extra careful with contact lens handling starting from today.