It’s almost like that movie where Will Ferrell’s character’s life started to depend on the character of a book some author was writing about. I forgot the name of that movie but knowing his character was going to die, he tried to chase up the author to make sure she does not let him die. In the same way, I guess I am blogging my life away, not knowing this has come to this.
I named my blog ‘millennial’s crisis’ to have a poke fun at looking as one of the early millennials living a life in his mid-thirty, whilst starting a new life. It’s not like I am good at regulary posting but it seems like my life has become somewhat that of a millennial’s crisis. I have reached this part in my life where I can’t even be bothered catching up on the blogs I have not yet covered.
Normally, I would keep an excel spreadsheet with lists of things to write about when I could find some time. However, I would have to backdate it and kinda put myself back in that place at that time, which won’t really do as much justice as it would as compared to word puking from my fingers as I am doing now. So yeah, as much as I would like to catch up with what was left of my February, I feel too stressed to even think of completing it, or thinking back on those days.
Things have been pretty much dull for me lately. It’s sloped downhill at a very moderately calm slope, inclined at a very small acute angle. It’s all about friends in Sydney. I am blessed to have good friends here but everyone’s in a rush here in Sydney. I was talking with my friend about this and what he said was correct. People in Sydney would try to solve puzzles and put things into place before letting themselves go. Yes, it’s always to think first before you do things but when it comes to spontaneously hanging out with friends, what’s good about trying to make sure we have to ‘pencil’ in a time gap in one of our schedule planner book. JUST to meet up with a friend.
Back in Myanmar, I would call my friends up and ask what they would be doing. Some of them would ask me to join right away. Here, they would be busy, which is fair, but then they would only mark that time for that certain thing they are doing with their certain friends. I would hate to think it’s the right thing to feel as I am feeling now and maybe this is something I would have to learn and to stop taking every friends’ availability for granted. But yeah, it is just so much easier to feel lonely here in Sydney. And I ain’t even talking about dating life. Yet!
The other thing I have found out is how people kept talking about driving to work and trying to buy house. I could hardly save enough money to get myself a new iphone. Yes I do have a job but I ended up using most of what I got paid and I could not get myself to save enough to even get me a new iphone, let alone a shelter. I am fortunate that one of my close friends have allowed me to live under his roof at a very generous rent fees. But then again, this is his house and I am sure he would want to live a proper ‘self house’ life one day. Knowing this, it also stresses me on how I would be living in a few years’ time.
Then, there is the citizenship. So, after five years, I would not be able to go back to my country easily, unless I have a citizenship and belong here. Well, I would still have to apply for a visa to go to my mother land, which seems a bit shameful but I am willing to give up my citizenship to Australia. I do miss my family and it scares me that I will not be able to live with them as much as I used to live with them before. They are ageing and so am I.
I am not so sure if I am living life right. I am going to be 36 this year and I do not feel like an adult yet. They say, we can always start life anew but I am in need of a motive and I need to be inspired to be able to want to live life right in my mid-thirties. It’s one thing to feel fortunate that I am thinking these things proactively but it is also another ongoing hard struggle to battle my fears away. Especially when time does not really help.
So, yes, I am actually having a crisis after all… when it comes to living right.