Hein in the backseat

The month of February gets a lot more interesting today. After the creepy return of the ex online boyfriend comes the return of two potentials. Maybe these returns are due to the fact that I am, in fact, going to have something happening on Valentine’s Day this year? One can only assume so.

The first return comes from someone I forgot was in my life. He was one of the matches on Tinder and we matched last November I guess. We chatted for some time and we stopped. I guess the chat was just so mediocre that I almost forgot who he was when he messaged me on Tinder today. Normally, I would not really take time blogging about every guy I chat on Tinder but coming back on chat after two months of absence was quite interesting for me.

SimpleName (yes, he has one of the most boring names invented for men. In fact, it’s one of those names you would encounter on first page of introductory dialogues in English teaching books, if English was your second language), out of nowhere, said hi to me today on Tinder. At first, I had no idea who he was until I saw some chat history on top of his message. And to be honest, I cannot even recall that I had talked with him before. I checked his pictures and he is the type I would swipe right on but I seriously do not remember talking to him.

So, out of curiosity, I asked him why he had disappeared for two whole months. Before he could answer, I had some assumptions in my head. He could’ve been talking to a few number of guys simultaneously and he might have met up with one of them. Dating this other dude would stop him from chatting with the other guys like me. It’s quite normal actually. It’s called multi-dating, I guess. Why settle for one potential and waste time when you could get to know more and even make comparisons between them, right?

However, that was not the case. He said that he had been busy with Christmas and all that. It was not what I was expecting to hear but it sounded very honest and quite simple of him to say that. He did not make any excuses and he said it as if it was quite normal for any other guys to go AWOL during this time of the season from Tinder. It does make sense actually and with that, he won my attention.

The other guy, with a surprise return, was MadonnaFan. I actually really thought my sleep over at his place after trying to feel his dick in the dark to guess the size would have been the last time I was seeing him. It has been a week with no contact from him and I have even given up on expecting any messages from him. Out of nowhere, he texted me today. It was a pleasant surprise actually. His comeback made sense as well. Since he works in the PR field, it’s only fair that he’s been busy and the last thing he would want to do when he comes home from work is to check his phone for messages. For some reason, I could not really feel pissed off with him. Maybe it’s just me growing up or maybe I do not like him that much? But then, his comeback message does get a reaction from me.

Well, unfortunately, I will not be able to meet any of these men this weekend, since I will be packing my bags to go to Avalon beach for a getaway trip for my friend’s birthday. As much as I hate to say ‘no’ to these potential men, it sure does feel good to be busy for once when people ask me out since I have always been the driver of meet-ups. All my men gotta do is take a backseat while I make plans and initiate meet ups. This time around, Hein is taking a backseat as he sits patiently and watches who comes up with invites.

The perks of not having to drive the car any longer, one can’t complain for sure. *fingernails emoji*

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My Soundtrack (January 2017)

Music influences my life and I always have this imaginative music at the background of my head for each and every minute of my life. Some songs healed me. Some songs cured me. Some songs moved me. Some songs gave me warmth. The following songs are the ten songs that had made it memorable for this month, with the reasons why, in no particular order.

NxWorries – Livvin’
this song has always been one of the many songs I listened to on my way to work. Of all the songs I listened to walking to work, this song has always been in my ears. I have never heard of this band before until now and I have to admit most of the songs in their album “Yes Lawd!” are equally addictive.  Image result for nxworries yes lawd
Ace Of Base – Cool Summer
I am never a fan of summer and I have never thought of summer as one of those happy times when everyone starts to smile even though a lot of the people in Australia likes to think otherwise. This month has been tough on me since it has been such a cruel cruel summer.  Image result for ace of base cruel summer
Havana Brown – We Run The Night
This month sees the first time I have been to a gay party. Well, I have been to Mardi Gras after party before. But starting the year with a bang at Daywash for the first time, I also saw Havana Brown performing. I was and never am a big fan of hers but this song is the song I would always hear in Myanmar clubs, which I never knew, was sung by Havana Brown.  Image result for havana brown we run the night
Wham – Wake Me Up Before You Go Go
This was the song my friends and I danced to, when my manager from my previous retail job at Myer and my ex-colleague, who’s like my big sister, came and joined me out of nowhere at Stonewall, just because they got too depressed watching La La Land. Love you guys!  Image result for wham wake me up before you go go
Madonna – Back In Business
Talking about Madonna’s albums with MadonnaFan, I have always wondered why the version on the soundtrack album sounds different from the actual song off the Dick Tracy movie. Funny how the actual Madonna fan has never thought of this.  Image result for madonna back in business
EYC – Black Book
I have been able to realize, this month, that it’s much more convenient to have simultaneous friends with benefits, so we can always try the other ones when one is not free. So, yep, open that black book.  Image result for eyc black book
Jon Bellion – All Time Low
I fell in love with this song as soon as I heard it. I got to know this song from one of the music charts which I had been doing research on for my radio show. Liking this song makes me feel hip as well since I have finally felt like I could appreciate one of the top 40 pop songs of this new generation.  Image result for jon bellion all time low
The Weeknd – I Feel It Coming (featuring Daft Punk)
This is another song I have been constantly putting on repeat this month. My housemate and I talked about how The Weeknd sounds a lot like Michael Jackson in this song. This song just makes me feel so warm and it gets me in this mood where I want to have a boyfriend right away for some reason.  Image result for the weeknd i feel it coming
Nursey Rhymes – Where is Thumbkin
Pushing the pram of my friend’s baby on Oxford Street, I remember thinking to myself how awesome will it be to be able to have a kid of my own one day. It felt even better when the adorable kid, a four year old baby girl, started to sing “Where Is Thumbkin” in French to me. She only spoke in French but both Uncle Hein and babygirl shared one of those valuable moment together.  Image result for where is thumbkin cd
Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone – City Of Stars
Although I have not seen this movie, I have heard the soundtrack and I instantly fell in love with this song on it. I love it so much I ended up singing this on Smule and my housemate started playing this song on his piano as well.  Image result for la la land soundtrack

Guessing Blind

My mom has always been a bit of a worrying freak and I know it’s only because she loves me a lot. She’s well known for worrying about the smallest things you could think of. But then, when you come to think of it, those little things are such big deals; it’s only that it can come across as nagging at times and of course, naturally, nobody likes to be nagged.

I am as blind as a bat and I usually wear contact lens when I go out. I try to wear glasses at home as much as I can but when I go out, I would always wear contact lens. I am quite hygienic but at times, I can be very careless with contact lens. I would always put it on or take it off without washing my hands. I would sleep with them. I would sometimes just put them on without even moistening it with the cleanser.

So, my mom would always make this comment about how the eyes of a human being are one of the most important senses. Both mom and I know that five senses of a human being are all equally important but then again, come to think of it, it would suck to be blind and I have nothing but respect and empathy towards blind people or those who were born blind.

As much as it’s so motivating to hear of real life stories about how blind people live normal or how some of them even ace better than that of non blind people in life, it dose sound scary to imagine myself being blind. I was thinking about this on Saturday night when I was in bed with MadonnaFan. It had nothing to do with the topics of the conversation we both had. It had to do with us being naked on his bed in a dark room.

Given both of us only got naked only after we got into bed, I did not get to see what was down under (if you know what I mean). It’s not that it matters but given we were already naked in bed together, it’s only fair that my hand ventured off on its own until it meats his cock. I felt like a perve but that did get our motors turning and we started to feel each other. The only problem was that the lights were off.

You know when you stay in a dark room for a long time, you can start to get used to the darkness and you start to make shapes of things around you as your eyes adapt to this darkness? Well, after a while, my eyes started to see the things around me. The walls and the ceilings. I did not want to get my head up to check out what his schlong looks like so I started to cop a feel. Well, it wasn’t that much of a copping a feel as I started to touch his manhood with every parts of my palm.

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In that second, I thought to myself “What if I was blind”. Then, I started to shape or imagined the sight of it inside my head. I could not do it. I visualized other objects as well to compare the size with. Spray can, carrots, eggplants, you name it, I visualized it all. I did have a rough estimate but I was not satisfied. I did not feel as if I had a proper guestimation of the size and shape of his manhood. I struggled to get the image right in my head and even worse, I did not feel any fulfillment or success in doing so.

Finally, I gave in and popped my head upright to peep at his manhood. It looked like one of the visuals I had but still I was not satisfied with my skills of shaping objects with my hands. It was then that I realized how valuable my mom’s words were. I used to cringe and scoff it off whenever she nags too much about it. In all fairness and in my defence, my mom can be quite naggy at times but yeah, I do not think I’ll be able to live life as a blind person.

Freaked out, I have started to be extra careful with contact lens handling starting from today.

Sedatephobic

It’s crazy how this is true but I got to learn something about myself from two dates on Saturday. Yes, it was all about having fun and all that but there was a great old conversation between me and the two men I was with on Saturday. For some reason, both of us talked about the same thing without having to even start the topic. It was the topic about me and silence.

During short breaks in between our ‘sessions’, there would be time where both of us would be a bit too tired to say anything. Then, it would always be me breaking the silence. I did not notice it first but after two times, Leprechaun finally mentioned “You can’t stand silence, can you? I notice you are afraid of silence”

What he said really blew my mind because I never thought of it before and yes, the more I thought about it, the more true it becomes. I do, in fact, cannot stand silence! I had a think about it in my head while he was saying it and finally I could tell why. Back in the days when I was a kid, our house would always be full of guests. Having guests over, according to my grandparents, it’s the responsibility of the host to ensure the guests are kept well and the guests enjoy. So, we were pretty much taking care of the guests 24/7. Having guests also means we had a lot of different types of people coming into our house. So, when we have those shy ones who dare not speak up to ask for small things like water, my grandparents would always have to the first to reach out to ask if they needed anything.

I guess that’s where I got this sub-conscious obligation to make sure people around me are not left unattended and at times, my brain just happens to sub consciously treats silence as a gesture of not being taken care of.

MadonnaFan and I also encountered the same incident. He and I would stop talking for a while and I would feel like it was an awkward silence and I would need to always fill that void; again, it was always sub conscious of course. He noticed that as well and he said the same thing. “You don’t like silence, do you?”

jan23It’s kinda sad how people can read into you this deep at first meet. Not to mention, even the bootie call victim can guess your personality after the second time round. This silence phobic in me continues today. It’s been a while since I have dated someone or thought of investing more time and effort in getting to know someone, as opposed to just having sex with them. So, having woken up this morning, I felt this urge to message MadonnaFan.

In all honesty, I had nothing to say and I do not really want to message him with small nothings. However, the minor sedatephobia got the best of me and I had to break the silence in messaging him with “Did you end up watching any movie last night? Have fun at work.”, to which he just answered “You too Hein”

I do not want to read it from a bad point of view but I got a lot of ‘leave me alone’ vibe from that message. Or a ‘I have nothing to say to you’ vibe from that reply of his. I am not angry with him since honestly, I do not really have any strong feelings towards him but it’s quite annoying when someone’s effort doesn’t really pay off. Here I am, being understanding, texting him a message, while he just gave a generic reply, without even answering my question.

Sigh! The sedatephobia in me does get a hold of me and pretty soon it might even turn me into this desperate monster. Honestly, I feel nothing for him but my mind just can’t help this lack of communication between us. I felt as if the guest who is staying at my house has not been looked after well.

Two Much

It’s not really surprising to me anymore how good things in life come in more than one simultaneously. Today marks the day I got closure from two men and although both of them have come from different dating apps and have different intentions, there was something very similar when it comes to the vibe I am getting from these two men. Yep, Heiny got lucky today, not just with one man, but with two men.

jan21First was this bootie call I have been looking forward to for some time. Last month before Christmas, I met up with this Irish guy, Leprechaun, for a bootie call. We really hit it off and I stayed at his place for more than three hours with him ‘finishing’ twice. It was one of those very comfortable sex but maybe it was because Leprechaun is not much of a chatter, both he and I kinda lost in touch.

Last week, I messaged him and asked if he would like to meet. I was ready for him to say ‘nah’ but to my surprise, he agreed to meeting up with me again for a bootie call. His place was in the middle of nowhere although it was in the city so I made sure I caught the bus earlier and as predicted, I reached his place earlier than I should. I gave him a hint while I was minutes away from his place. We were supposed to meet at 4pm but I was having lunch around his neighborhood at around 3pm. When I texted him that I was around, he said ‘Great! See you at 4pm’. Ok then. I tried to eat as slow as I could but even with the slow eating, I was 30 minutes early. I was a bit hesitant to message him but after waiting about five minutes in front of his place, I got impatient and messaged him. He was in the showers and I had to wait ten more minutes.

Seeing him felt great because I really like him. Unlike last time, he kissed me right away once I got into his living room. This was followed by good sex. This time around, he ‘finished’ three times in two hours. Even though we were two strangers meeting up for the second time to have sex, we had really good conversations in between the sex while we both rested for a few minutes. To me, it did not feel like a bootie call.

After the first time he ejaculated, he laid his head on my chest as we held hand and lie in his bed. The second time, I laid on his chest while he laid on his bed. It’s weird to be honest because once I got out of his house last time, we hardly chat and I could tell he’s not that much of a chatting app user. So, I never really knew whether he would like to see me again or not. This time around, I did ask him straight. “So, do you still want to see me again?”, to which he said “of course”. I do not know whether it’s a bootie call or not but the chemistry between us during the time I spent on his bed felt like sex between two ex-lovers, two good friends or even a committed couple. I try not to think much of this but I could not help feeling really comfortable and wanting to see him again.

Around 7pm, I got out of Leprechaun‘s house. He had to go to his friend’s dinner meet up and I had to head off to my date. It sure feels a bit weird to go on an actual date after a sex date. However, this guy is the guy I matched with on Tinder and he has actually stated that he is not just in it for NSA and he would like to get to know people and have a proper date. I was not expecting any sexual encounter and maybe just drinks for a get-to-know-each-other.

I was early again as I waited for him at Bank Hotel in Newtown. There were two ladies beside the table I was sitting at, in their late twenties. Normally, I would hear what others are talking about but I was a bit nervous about meeting with this guy. So, I just sat there and waited and he came into the bar. He looks way better in real life and that just made me more nervous. He spotted me and gave me his hands to shake. I responded to that with a small hug. Then, he said he would go get his drink and he went to the bar.

During this time, one of the two ladies have left the table and there was this really pretty lady in a red dress. We caught glances and she said “I hope you did not hear what I just said”. Honestly I did not. Like I said, I was out of focus, nervous and pretty much curious about how my date would turn out. I told her that and she questioned “Is this your first date?” Yes, I told her. “Did you guys meet on dating apps?” Yeah, where else, I told her. Then, I talked to her about how it would not be easy to meet gay guys in public to ask for dates. It would have to be in some gay venues (pubs and clubs), where most of the time these gay men would be drunk, or through dating apps. She seems to understand. She then said “Yeah I could tell this was your first date” I asked her, how so. “The way you guys greeted each other”. And I asked her “Do you think it looks like it’s going well”, to which she replied “Well, it looks good at the present”. I told her “Well, you be the judge as we progress in the night”. Sadly, the lady told me she had to leave right away but she wished me good luck. Good timing! My date, then, got back with his glass of beer.

He was not girly but he does have this fabulous edge, when he talks; it was one of those vibes where people could tell he’s gay from the first thing that comes out of his mouth. He has this really deep voice, which I find sexy, but the whole gay tone made him sound like a drag queen at times. He was not sassy, nor bitchy. He is funny and adorable actually and I kept looking into his graying blue eyes.

Leprechaun is 42 years old and this date of mine is 38. So, both men are of good age. After two beers and a wine bottle later, he offered to follow him home and to stay over. I was surprised. For someone who is not into “No string attached”, he seems to really like me enough to have invited me to his place. We both bought kebab and falafel to his place. We finally kissed. He is a soft kisser and a vulnerable one, where he would not use force into his kisses but it felt somewhat romantic.

After talking for a few minutes, he asked me to stay over at his place and the next thing we knew, we were both naked on his bed. We did not have sex although there was a lot of major heavy spooning involved. The next morning, he told me he really wanted to fuck me but he knew we were both tired. I was not tired actually but having eaten that falafel with chili sauce, I do not really think it would have been a great idea to have sex.

jan21-2Judging by lots of Madonna posters and artworks in his room, I finally found out that he is a big fan of Madonna. Originally from UK, my date was a MadonnaFan. The thing I really love about him was how we both seem to be so comfortable when it comes to interrupting our sleep. There were times he would just cuddle me out of nowhere as I was sleeping and whenever I cuddle him from behind while he would be sleeping, he would respond it with a kiss on my hand or by pulling my hands towards him. I really like that ease.

So yeah, two great men with potentials of becoming more that what we already have but here’s the thing. I am, once again, a bit confused about who I want. Leprechaun was doing so well and it was never meant to be this intimate until today with him and then MadonnaFan came along, with such great romantic gestures.

I’m not sure what would happen but it would be quite interesting to find out!