Wendy’s Secret Garden

There were signs leading to this very day but I was not aware of it. From what I had known as a pragmatic grown up man, who’s also the love of my life, it was just so incredible to see the other side of him and what he did today, for me, has been a part of something that he not only outdid himself but he has outdone me.

In my relationship, I’m the mushy lovey dovey person and my partner is more of a real deal no bullshit skeptical person. He still shows his affection but he does it in small dosages or at random times, which I’ve grown accustomed to.

As I have mentioned, I have seen little things that led up to today. We went for a ring fitting and I knew he was going to propose. He has uploaded pics of our rings on Facebook tagging me. He has been asking me about my favorite place. He kept talking about going for a picnic on Christmas day. He has borrowed a picnic basket from one of his friends. He kept saying it’s a surprise. Our talk last night ended with him saying “I just want to make sure you’re in for the whole run”, by which he meant our relationship.

Finally, the day came and although it was a great plan to have a picnic on Christmas day, I was a bit nervous. It was because we both are the types that like to stay in or just stay around the comfort of our close friends. Anything that would bug us would ruin the mood and the last thing that I would want to happen today is to come back tired after a tiring day, picnicking.

It was a beautiful place, to which I had never been to. We took the ferry there and we saw the beauty of Sydney that has kept both of us to want to live here forever. It was called Wendy’s secret garden. As both he and I unpacked our picnic basket and poured each other glasses of champagne, he explained the story of this magical place.

So, we found the best spot to sit in front of an old oak tree. As tourists passed, it was fun to watch out for anyone that can take pics with us. It was so romantic and I could feel so grateful at this point. I must’ve done something good to this man, which made him want to do this for me. There was a huge house behind us, which belongs to Wendy Whiteley and her husband. Married to one of the most well-respected artist in Australia, Brett Whiteley, they have been able to own a large house with a large land in front of them. As a hobby or such, she has renovated and maintained this plot of land into this beautiful garden. It was not one of those gardens that boast different types of colorful flowers but it felt like this little enchanted forest in a fairy tale book.

As he was unpacking the basket, he said he’s got a little something for me. It was a little card. Now, I’m known as the sucker of this relationship who gives cards every month (I did miss one month haha) and on a Christmas day, this card from him was the best. I mean, the ferry ride and this picnic have already made me feel so grateful to have a man like him in my life and the card just made it all better until I got a bit sobbed up inside. While I was reading this card, he took out the ring and the card did say “I hope you say YES”

I burst into tears. I cried. I couldn’t care who was around us. I just cried like a little baby. He has a bad handwriting and he has managed to write a long paragraph in this card. He hates crowds and going out unnecessarily. He also hates planning but he took me out here to this magical place with this huge picnic basket. I knew this day was coming but I did not have my mindset ready for it to be today. I cried and cried and I hugged him tight.

“Thank you so much”

In all honesty, I was a bit worried about the whole proposal. He did go cold feet once when he verbally said he would propose to me on a certain day, which did not end up the way he had promised. I mean, it’s not about being proposed that matters for me and it was never about the ring but being told and not doing it on that day, it had somehow scarred me to worry a bit about us. He had soothed me down but I did tell him that constant fear will always be there.

After I found out he bought the rings from his Facebook post last few weeks ago, I was a bit happy but also hesitant on why he had not yet given me the rings. Was he going to refund them? We he uncertain again? Was this going to be like before where he would go cold feet? It has always been a war of nerves in my head.

I also found out later that he was nervous today for if I would’ve said no. It’s funny how things work. Two people in love within a short period of time. Two people ready to settle down. However, both uncertain because both care about each other so much that both does not want anything to ruin it.

Fransi has totally won me over again. Not like he needed to anyways but this day, on so many levels, will never be forgotten and I cannot think of anyways this day would, in anyways, be replaced by any other better days. Maybe our wedding? But yeah, words cannot describe how euphorically happy and feel so grateful for this man in my life.

While smoking on our balcony, I told him “So, today is the first day of the rest of our lives”

Open Sex-a-me

Being super old-fashioned, I was never a fan of open relationships and ‘being cheated on’ will be one of the big things that would make me think less of a partner. Yes, call me selfish or a jealous type but, to me, why even bother trying to find that ‘one’ in your life when you want to mingle intimately with others?

The best thing about being with Fransi is how we can talk openly about each other. We were just having a breezy evening at his balcony, smoking on our ciggies, when we have reached that topic of ‘open relationships’. He asked “Why do you think people go for open relationships?” It does seem like a test question or that moment where I would have had to make sure I have the perfect answer since whatever I answered, be it correct or not, would state a mark on our relationship.

However, Fransi doesn’t play games and I’ve always been honest with Fransi. I did hesitate a bit before answering since I do want to ask myself “Why do people go for open relationships”

dec24I do not mean to offend anyone and I do respect anyone who practices this on their own circumstances. I have also seen happy couples who does open relationships. So, whatever I am going to say below, is NOT the right answer. It’s not even my view to be honest but it’s just how I feel and what I practice.

If there is a pattern between those couples who does open relationships, there is this pattern of re-considering why they are together in the first place. I mean, some of us are infatuated with the idea of being in a relationship. Some of us find it a necessity to be in a relationship or have someone near them before they die. Call me crazy but I do not have that ideology of having to be in a relationship.

I do admit it used to be a fantasy of mine to want to be in a relationship. Being raised in a family and culture where we all feel the necessity to find love or get married and have kids, I have always been a huge fan of being with someone or ending up with someone. Slowly it faded. It first started from the cynical side, edged by a bit of bitterness. The chances of me being able to find that someone who can easily be in a relationship had thinned and I was just at the point of giving up.

Then, this bitterness turned out to be an embrace. I told myself that I would rather want to find that someone I want to spend my whole time with, without stress or drama. I had been doing really well on my own and I have always been able to be around good people and the last thing I need is to be with someone who I cannot lead a happy life with. So, that idea of being in a relationship has faded, but it was not being bitter but it was out of good will and good intention of being able to make it or not at all.

Before I met Fransi, I was doing well. Fransi was doing well as well. We both DID NOT need each other. But slowly, we both felt like we wanted each other. And that, to me, is the trigger of a healthy relationship. Now that we have each other, what is the point of having to be with someone else for sex? And of course before I gave myself up to this man I love, having good sexual contact was one of the factors of whether we could be together or not.

Another reason that I can think of is ‘ego’. Some of the friends I know have lost their mojo with their loved ones. They linger on together because they are afraid to be alone and the whole ‘getting older’ crisis gets in the way. With Fransi and I, we feed on each other support and compliments. He finds me as someone he has wanted his whole life and I feel the same.

With that, I told Fransi how that was my idea of ‘open relationship’. I don’t feel the need to because I have what I want and need with him. Good sex. Good person. And then I find it impossible to have to find someone to make me feel good about myself. And I am a lucky man because he agrees. Things can be so simple like that sometimes if we only take some time to analyze how these things commenced in the very beginning. Just sit down and ask yourself, I guess.