Wendy’s Secret Garden

There were signs leading to this very day but I was not aware of it. From what I had known as a pragmatic grown up man, who’s also the love of my life, it was just so incredible to see the other side of him and what he did today, for me, has been a part of something that he not only outdid himself but he has outdone me.

In my relationship, I’m the mushy lovey dovey person and my partner is more of a real deal no bullshit skeptical person. He still shows his affection but he does it in small dosages or at random times, which I’ve grown accustomed to.

As I have mentioned, I have seen little things that led up to today. We went for a ring fitting and I knew he was going to propose. He has uploaded pics of our rings on Facebook tagging me. He has been asking me about my favorite place. He kept talking about going for a picnic on Christmas day. He has borrowed a picnic basket from one of his friends. He kept saying it’s a surprise. Our talk last night ended with him saying “I just want to make sure you’re in for the whole run”, by which he meant our relationship.

Finally, the day came and although it was a great plan to have a picnic on Christmas day, I was a bit nervous. It was because we both are the types that like to stay in or just stay around the comfort of our close friends. Anything that would bug us would ruin the mood and the last thing that I would want to happen today is to come back tired after a tiring day, picnicking.

It was a beautiful place, to which I had never been to. We took the ferry there and we saw the beauty of Sydney that has kept both of us to want to live here forever. It was called Wendy’s secret garden. As both he and I unpacked our picnic basket and poured each other glasses of champagne, he explained the story of this magical place.

So, we found the best spot to sit in front of an old oak tree. As tourists passed, it was fun to watch out for anyone that can take pics with us. It was so romantic and I could feel so grateful at this point. I must’ve done something good to this man, which made him want to do this for me. There was a huge house behind us, which belongs to Wendy Whiteley and her husband. Married to one of the most well-respected artist in Australia, Brett Whiteley, they have been able to own a large house with a large land in front of them. As a hobby or such, she has renovated and maintained this plot of land into this beautiful garden. It was not one of those gardens that boast different types of colorful flowers but it felt like this little enchanted forest in a fairy tale book.

As he was unpacking the basket, he said he’s got a little something for me. It was a little card. Now, I’m known as the sucker of this relationship who gives cards every month (I did miss one month haha) and on a Christmas day, this card from him was the best. I mean, the ferry ride and this picnic have already made me feel so grateful to have a man like him in my life and the card just made it all better until I got a bit sobbed up inside. While I was reading this card, he took out the ring and the card did say “I hope you say YES”

I burst into tears. I cried. I couldn’t care who was around us. I just cried like a little baby. He has a bad handwriting and he has managed to write a long paragraph in this card. He hates crowds and going out unnecessarily. He also hates planning but he took me out here to this magical place with this huge picnic basket. I knew this day was coming but I did not have my mindset ready for it to be today. I cried and cried and I hugged him tight.

“Thank you so much”

In all honesty, I was a bit worried about the whole proposal. He did go cold feet once when he verbally said he would propose to me on a certain day, which did not end up the way he had promised. I mean, it’s not about being proposed that matters for me and it was never about the ring but being told and not doing it on that day, it had somehow scarred me to worry a bit about us. He had soothed me down but I did tell him that constant fear will always be there.

After I found out he bought the rings from his Facebook post last few weeks ago, I was a bit happy but also hesitant on why he had not yet given me the rings. Was he going to refund them? We he uncertain again? Was this going to be like before where he would go cold feet? It has always been a war of nerves in my head.

I also found out later that he was nervous today for if I would’ve said no. It’s funny how things work. Two people in love within a short period of time. Two people ready to settle down. However, both uncertain because both care about each other so much that both does not want anything to ruin it.

Fransi has totally won me over again. Not like he needed to anyways but this day, on so many levels, will never be forgotten and I cannot think of anyways this day would, in anyways, be replaced by any other better days. Maybe our wedding? But yeah, words cannot describe how euphorically happy and feel so grateful for this man in my life.

While smoking on our balcony, I told him “So, today is the first day of the rest of our lives”

Open Sex-a-me

Being super old-fashioned, I was never a fan of open relationships and ‘being cheated on’ will be one of the big things that would make me think less of a partner. Yes, call me selfish or a jealous type but, to me, why even bother trying to find that ‘one’ in your life when you want to mingle intimately with others?

The best thing about being with Fransi is how we can talk openly about each other. We were just having a breezy evening at his balcony, smoking on our ciggies, when we have reached that topic of ‘open relationships’. He asked “Why do you think people go for open relationships?” It does seem like a test question or that moment where I would have had to make sure I have the perfect answer since whatever I answered, be it correct or not, would state a mark on our relationship.

However, Fransi doesn’t play games and I’ve always been honest with Fransi. I did hesitate a bit before answering since I do want to ask myself “Why do people go for open relationships”

dec24I do not mean to offend anyone and I do respect anyone who practices this on their own circumstances. I have also seen happy couples who does open relationships. So, whatever I am going to say below, is NOT the right answer. It’s not even my view to be honest but it’s just how I feel and what I practice.

If there is a pattern between those couples who does open relationships, there is this pattern of re-considering why they are together in the first place. I mean, some of us are infatuated with the idea of being in a relationship. Some of us find it a necessity to be in a relationship or have someone near them before they die. Call me crazy but I do not have that ideology of having to be in a relationship.

I do admit it used to be a fantasy of mine to want to be in a relationship. Being raised in a family and culture where we all feel the necessity to find love or get married and have kids, I have always been a huge fan of being with someone or ending up with someone. Slowly it faded. It first started from the cynical side, edged by a bit of bitterness. The chances of me being able to find that someone who can easily be in a relationship had thinned and I was just at the point of giving up.

Then, this bitterness turned out to be an embrace. I told myself that I would rather want to find that someone I want to spend my whole time with, without stress or drama. I had been doing really well on my own and I have always been able to be around good people and the last thing I need is to be with someone who I cannot lead a happy life with. So, that idea of being in a relationship has faded, but it was not being bitter but it was out of good will and good intention of being able to make it or not at all.

Before I met Fransi, I was doing well. Fransi was doing well as well. We both DID NOT need each other. But slowly, we both felt like we wanted each other. And that, to me, is the trigger of a healthy relationship. Now that we have each other, what is the point of having to be with someone else for sex? And of course before I gave myself up to this man I love, having good sexual contact was one of the factors of whether we could be together or not.

Another reason that I can think of is ‘ego’. Some of the friends I know have lost their mojo with their loved ones. They linger on together because they are afraid to be alone and the whole ‘getting older’ crisis gets in the way. With Fransi and I, we feed on each other support and compliments. He finds me as someone he has wanted his whole life and I feel the same.

With that, I told Fransi how that was my idea of ‘open relationship’. I don’t feel the need to because I have what I want and need with him. Good sex. Good person. And then I find it impossible to have to find someone to make me feel good about myself. And I am a lucky man because he agrees. Things can be so simple like that sometimes if we only take some time to analyze how these things commenced in the very beginning. Just sit down and ask yourself, I guess.

I felt the Earth move

Both my partner and I suck at surprises. We always intend to surprise each other quite often but before the actual date of that surprise, we just happen to give it away. No intentions but it always seems to work like that. Two days ago, Fransi came to me saying “What are you doing this Friday after work”, to which I have said nothing. He said “Perfect! I have just the right thing for you” Sorta killed me there since, as much as I love surprises, I always crave for what it really is.

dec22(2)Yesterday, he and I was excited for this surprise and then he uttered “I feel the Earth move” on our whatsapp and I got it right away that we were going to be seeing the musical about the songwriting guru Carole King called “Beautiful”. Yes, the surprise was ruined but I was excited because I love her work and as a songwriter, I would’ve liked to see that musical.

It was at The Star, next to the casino, a venue I have never seen any musicals at. The musical itself was really plain and simple. There was no tragic dramatic part. There were parts where things got a bit sad but it was not a trauma, nor something that was dwelled upon. But, me, being me, I cried at one of the parts.

When Carole King character sat down and wrote “Will you love me tomorrow” and sang it with her husband, I cried. I don’t know what it was. It was not supposed to be a sad scene or anything like that but I began to tear up.

Call me soft but it was that moment where I realized that I did not take my ‘songwriting’ career seriously. I have been a recording artist back in my country. Not a successful one financially but I was known. I have had five albums. Inspired by the songwriters, who worked on my first album, I wrote my first song to the tune of Ace Of Base’s “Lucky Love” for my first album. My manager loved it and the songwriters encouraged me, with no changes to the lyrics at all. So, I guess I started off as a lyricist.

For my second, third and forth album, the number of songs I wrote for myself accumulated in numbers. I started becoming a melody writer as well and not depend on other songs for tunes, which is illegal anyways. For my fifth album, I wrote and composed all the songs, lyrics and melody. Not only that, I became noticed as a songwriter.

In between my third and forth albums, I worked on an album with one of my close friends, Kyar Pauk, who is the lead singer of a punk rock band, Big Bag. That album never got out because I was busy studying and half way through, I moved out to Australia for my study. What happened was Kyar Pauk started to use my songs for his album and with his big fan following, I started to gain more respect and appreciation from his fan base. It’s also awesome how Kyar Pauk, not only gave me credits, but started to write on his social media about my collaboration with him.

My songwriting is like a game of roulette. There would be times when 4 out of 5 songs would be so awesome but there would be times where I would just have to accept that the songs I wrote would not work. As a songwriter, I guess you gotta grow a thick skin to rejections. I mean, it’s only fair that the artist wants to sing the songs they are comfortable with. It’s like Rihanna not wanting to work on the song Sia wrote for her “Cheap Thrills”

I started writing songs for big names in the music industry like Thiri Swe, Khin Bhone, Rebecca Win and Thein Linn. For some reason, I attract more female singers with my songwriting. There are also songs that I have worked on last year that has not been released yet. The name of the artists, I cannot reveal, since it’s up to them to release them at their will.

This year, I went through a writer’s block. Carole King never had it actually. (judging from the musical) It was not a big thing at first since I had so much things to focus with starting a new life in Sydney. It got a bit worse when I found myself a man and pretty much, I stopped giving time to songwriting. I have people waiting for my songs but I just didn’t really look into it.

That was the main reason I cried watching Carole King’s Will You Love Me Tomorrow part. Fransi has always been supportive with my songwriting. He loves my modesty but he has always questioned the reason behind me giving up on certain things. I guess sometimes I just need a push. He has given me a lot of push but I just never sat down to give time to stringing the 12 notes of a piano to form a song, that might be acceptable.

To be honest, I lack contacts here as well. Songwriting is like writing. You have to be ‘found’. I was found in Myanmar and I have shyed away from it. After watching Carole King tonight, I just thought I should give it one more go. I mean, this is something I breathe and I could just do at any time. I JUST HAVE TO GIVE TIME.

The musical, itself, was very nice. I never knew Carole wrote ‘Take good care of my baby”. I knew she did the “Loco motion”. And it was also nice to hear “You’ve got a friend” or “It’s too late”, being performed as one of the scenes of the musical.

I don’t think I had a writer’s block, nor lost my mojo. The offer is there in Myanmar and my friend, who’s working behind “The Voice” in Myanmar has shown interest to work together in the future to write songs for the show’s contestants. I guess the year 2018 will be a year where I visit this part of my life again. To write songs again. To tell stories through tunes and words. To share my thoughts of both fantasy and reality with those who can relate.



Let’s not kid ourselves

It was a bit of a really awesome reunion, when my uni friends and I decided to meet up for a pre-Xmas dinner. Even better, a uni-mate, who I haven’t met for almost 10 years, was back in Sydney from the States. Well, she used to be in Sydney but I haven’t met her since I came back to Sydney.

Meeting my uni friends means meeting the Brady couple. Ok, they are not that innocently goody two shoes but they are awesome people. Both the wife and the husband are our uni friends and they have an awesome two years old! I love this little toddler to bits and it’s always awesome to be able to see him and me, being a huge fan of good kids, I normally ended up spending more time with their kids than with them.


I never thought I would end up saying the things I said tonight but as I thought about what I have said to my friends, I have come to realize how realistic I have become despite of what my fairy tale fantasy future look like. It started when my friends cornered me on the spot with the question “Will you have kids with Fransi?”. Oh yeah, Fransi is my partner’s name.

With that question thrown on the table, my answer was surprisingly “I don’t think so”. How is that possible? Often known as Uncle Heiny, the baby whisperer, baby magnets or pro bono babysitter, I even found myself quite startled to hear myself say that. Don’t get me wrong. I still love kids and it would be superb to have a loving husband in the future, with an adorable kids. How ideal! A lovely gay couple with an accepting kid, surrounded by the positive accepting environment this kid should ideally be brought up in. It’s easily said than done.

First, how mature is Fransi or me? We are both social addicts, with a happy lifestyle that feeds on attention from our friends and their existence. Never been one to say ‘no’ to catch-ups or pub crawls, we both compliment each other in such activities. The way we compliment each other is unlike the way the Brady couple compliment each other. The wife and husband usually take turns taking care of their little one. It would be the daddy’s turn to change the diaper. It would be mommy’s turn to drive him home. Fransi and I are good at coming to terms with agreement with each other but he doesn’t like being told what to do and I always rely on my mood status and do my own things most of the times.

Then, there’s this lifestyle. With every fortnights passed, barely saving money for ourselves and our future, both Fransi and I would be lucky if we could save some money for our house one day. Let alone house, we are even struggling to give time to save for our coming Burmese trip. Or maybe it’s just me who’s failing to save at the present, and he failing to save for the future.

Last but not least, I would want to surround my kid with positive vibes all around. And I do not want those fake positive vibes we tend to make up to remind ourselves of them. I want pure and simple positive things around us. It’s not that both Fransi and I do not have positive vibes around us. In fact, we are both fans of being positive and we both crave and work for it. However, it sure sucks up our energy and it’s not always easy to be able to possess that kind of positivity at all times. Both of us are emotionally sensitive and we have low tolerance when it comes to having to encounter any mishaps around us. I guess we both react too strongly towards bad things in life.

I am not saying it’s not possible. In fact, I do see Fransi as a beautiful dad and of course, no question needs to be asked how I can be an awesome dad to our kid, if we were meant to have any. I just think that once we are ready, we both would be too old to have a kid. I mean, Fransi is 42 now and I’m 36. Let’s say we have a kid when he’s 50 and me, 44. By the time our kids graduate from high school, Fransi would be 66 and me, 60. We would both be lucky if we could even survive that long.

There is a slight regret in me for not being able to prep myself up for a future mini-Hein. But I’m also glad that I am not rushing extremely to an ideology that keeps me thinking it is such an ideal to have to have kids. So what if we don’t have kids? So what if we don’t end up having kids? I just rather both Fransi and I are prepared, as opposed to succumbing to my ideal fantasy. It’s doable but let’s be realistic for now.

Like I said, it’s always interesting to meet my best friends from uni. There’s always something that would trigger my attention about life outside the “Fransi and Hein” bubble.


Dream from last night : can’t remember.