Desperation Summoned

It was all about convenience when I texted SaltNPepa today but I did not get any message back from him. It’s not like I am dying to get his attention and I am in no rush at all to meet up with him. However, it would be great to be acknowledged but then again, subconsciously, I have become a bit of a intense texter to this person.

It all started on Friday when I got SaltNPepa‘s number while I was at this gay pub called Palms. He never took me home because he said he had work on Saturday. Fair enough! He did mention how he would like to have dinner with me, which was also awesome. However, the trail of messages, when compared, made me look super desperate.

The message trail started on Friday when I got his number.

Sat 2:52 am,

Me : And this is Hein! As in Vein.

Me : You’re a good kisser by the way! 🙂

SaltNPepa : U too!

I should’ve stopped there but no! I just had to be super stupidly cheeky.

Me : Yeah! I youtub’d “best ways to kiss 101” haahaha

And there was no message from him.

Sat 1:40 pm,

Me: Is the last night drink doing you good today? Lol hope you’re having a good day, D!

Sat 6:02 pm,

SaltNPepa : Morning. Was nice to meet u.

Me : Did you just wake up lol

SaltNPepa : I woke up this morning, cleaned my house then went back to bed. Surfaced a couple hours ago. How are you holding up?

Me : Thought you were working today haha. I was doing well the whole day. Woke up at 9 to go lunch with friends but the energy is getting sucked out of me gradually hahaa

SalNPepa : I couldn’t get there. Was too tired. Rest up, and let’s catch up soon.

Me : Hahaha yeah I could imagine. Let’s aim for next weekend? I work late on weekdays until 7 pm and I live all the way in Parramatta.

SaltNPepa : Ok sounds good. I live in camperdown.

Ok, everything was going well but this morning, I was just so in the mood for a hook up. It was one of those mornings I wish I have this phone with a proper easy bootie call. And then, I also remembered that my next weekend’s schedule was swamped with lots of meet ups with my friends. So, I thought to myself how it would be convenient to meet him up today. So I started today.

Sun 9:41 am,

Me : Working today mr?

And that was it. No reply from him. If he was to get sick of me or think I do come across as chatty, I cannot really blame him. I could see how much of a non-chatter he is and I could also see that I do become this retard with so much bubbles in my brain whenever I get excited about someone. As much as he was not a wow factor on my men’s list, I do value the way we met. We met in a pub and we talked and got to know each other in a pub. We traded numbers. For once, I did not have to depend on gay apps to get to know someone I could potentially have fun with. So, for that reason, he has become one of the most interesting men on my list. But alas, it so turned out that this had made me this chatty retard when he is just someone, who would chuck a cameo text every now and then.

mar19

I feel so silly to be honest. Never did I want to try this hard for a man. I have become too comfortable in my own bubble of being on my own but somehow, because of my thirst for some man to man action, I have become to turn out as if I was some teenage chatty gay man who seems to be excited over this guy after trading numbers with him.

The worst thing was… I stumbled across his Facebook profile today because I have his number on my phone and for some reason, SaltNPepa looks so much hotter than I remember he did. Damn it! I really suck at timing!

Fickle Mojo

Having drunk a bit last night and today, being a day off, I found myself waking up to one of the laziest mornings of gloomy Sydney. I’ve been pretty good with controlling the amount of drinks I drink the night before and there was no sight of a hang over this morning. But that did not keep me active and alive on this Australian day. Laying lazy on my bed with my iPhone in my hand, it’s only natural that I started to cruise on Grindr.

Call it luck but it did not take me long enough to find someone who was keen to come over my place. He was quite mature agewise, 51, but he did not look as old. He was only around 5’7″ but he was fit. He does not stay around this neighborhood, which means there is no trace of potential clinging onto for second rounds or more. So, it was all quite safe to let him come over for a hook up.

Yes, it’s true I have always wanted a consistent friend with benefit, a regular one at that. But at times, there are also those “can do”s who I could only imagine doing for one time. I am not ageist but this guy and I had barely anything to talk about and we just jumped to discussing about meeting up right away. It also helps that he does not live around my neighborhood, which means it will not be as convenient after hooking up today.

I was already up and getting ready for this hook up, when suddenly I did not want to meet him anymore. I do not know what stopped me from wanting to meet up with him. As we were chatting, he mentioned something about wanting to take a shower at my place. Normally, I do not mind my regular buddies taking a shower before a hook up but this was our first time meeting and for some reason, I was not comfortable with the fact that he was going to be taking a shower at my place. But then again, I would not have minded given I rather he showered than not. It was not for this reason that I did not want to go on with this.

jan26I do not know what it was but I just lost interest. It’s funny cos there I was, with someone who wanted to come over to my place to give me pleasure, and after agreeing at first, I just did not want to anymore. Then, I started thinking about excuses. I started to think about all possible reasons I could give him for cancelling him to come over.

“My dog is sick” Well, that felt like a total lie since I do not have any pets, let alone a sick dog in my unit. What if he ended up coming in the end, only to find out I do not have a dog. “My mom is sick”. That is impossible since he already knew none of my family members are in Sydney and I find it a bit of a taboo to lie about someone you love being sick. “My flatmate is sick” Nah, that isn’t good either because I did not want to put him into the excise. “My flatmate’s mom is sick”. Nope, can’t do since it was last week that my flatmate’s mom was in the hospital. “my flatmate’s brother is sick”. Wait, he does have a brother and I do not want to say something inappropriate about his existing family member.

“My flatmate’s sister is sick and I have to accompany my flatmat to go to his sister’s place”

I feel a bit bad but he did believe me and I stopped chatting to him. I do not know what it is but I swear to God sometimes, our mojo has a mind of its own. It would be craving for so much sex at one point and fickle as they can be, it changes its mind to not want to do it anymore. Fickle much, my mojo?