Concord or 747 (Part 2)

So, after back and forth conversing with Mr747, it so turned out that there is a chance that we do not just exist via whatsapp. I will be meeting him tomorrow!!!

Ok, before I make myself sound like a retarded girl in high school who just got asked by the heart-throb football jock to be his date at the prom, let me just say that I am really happy about this ONLY because I was a bit worried that this connection between me and Mr747 is going to stop via messaging.

Yes, it’s one thing to keep up with conversations or chats from dating apps and as I have blogged before, he seems to be doing a really good job at being able to talk with me or have something to chat about with me most of the time. From most of the people I had known from dating apps, he is, by far, the best since it was not a conversation where we ask each other what we’re wearing or conversations where we anticipate what we would do each other, if horny. It was just really good chat/conversation between him and me.

Now that we have established that we will be meeting again for the second time, it seems pretty awesome how these chats could lead up to actually meeting face to face with Mr747 again. Truth be told, I am not really expecting anything and even if there is anything to be expected, I will not mind the wait. However, I’m just glad that something good is evolving and even if it was a friendship between us, I would be grateful since it’s really rare to get a friendship out of Grindr too.

I guess I’m looking forward to meeting him tomorrow…..

mar30

Somewhat Human

mar28It’s really hard to find someone like Mr747 actually. So, yes, we have met. We have spoken on chat before. We have left impressions that we enjoyed each other’s company. I do understand there’s nothing there to expect between us and I do not even know if there is going to be sex between us, since that was the first intention of chatting up with him in the first stage. However, I am quite surprised to see a bit of a continuity.

Bored during break time at work, I just texted him for no reason and Alas, he replied. Maybe it kinda helps that he is from Melbourne and he’s living in Sydney like me, a Burmese guy living in Sydney. We are both loners and I do not know what it is about him but it was quite refreshing that he actually replied to my texts.

Yes, one might think that I’m throwing a woohoo over something so small but if you have used a dating app before, especially the gay dating apps, you would know how it is so difficult to gain that continuity of communication between two strangers who had met through an online platform.

It was just not a reply but he would continue the topical conversation. The topic was of nothing. I just happened to have to eat vegetables today as part of my Buddhist routine. From that topic, our conversation escalated to how he has friends in Brisbane who knows how to cook veggie dish. Then, we talked about how he should look into Randwick if he was to look for somewhere to live in. Then, out of nowhere, we started talking about his housemate cooking for him and then about how they were going to watch a movie called Uncle.

I do not really know what to make of this person but once in a while, it’s very refreshing to get to know someone human-like from Grindr.

Concord Or 747

“Concord or 747”? That was the first line that got us together.

I was having one of those toey days and I was just surfing Grindr for a potential quickie. At first, I didn’t really have any plans to talk with him but something lured me into talking with him. His picture looks cute but it did not catch my eyes. Blinded by thousands of half naked man or pictures of male crotches wrapped around lycra, although I was not really into them, his sweet face meant nothing for me. After all, I was toey and I was looking for someone without any intentions of a good chat.

Both of us were conversing away on Grindr. Normally I would not really chat that much unless I know I’m locked into getting my Mojo off with someone. I would not really chat that much unless I can see something happening between us. This man I was passionately talking with was a man who ended a seven year marriage with his ex-wife and just recently got out of a relationship with his ex boyfriend during Mardi Gras.

“I am not looking for anything.” I was aware of this and I was also a bit hesitant about our meet up since I do not know what got me agreeing to meet him up for a couple of beer. Maybe I miss the old fashioned drinks that we normally get ourselves into among my younger years from these dating apps. Maybe I miss intimacy with a normal guy to be friends with. Maybe I was thirsty for a gay friend. Not that I do not have any but it would just be great to actually have to meet someone whose first agenda isn’t sex.

Ironic eh? Especially for someone who’s looking for sex, it’s funny how I succumb to being defeated to agree to have a conversational meet up with this intelligent soul.

When I finally met him, I was amazed. I would always minus the quality of a person from their dating apps profile pics. There can always be a possibility of great filters used and people would always upload pics from the best looking angles. This guy, on the other hand, looks so much cuter in real life.

Looking so cute, same age as me, and having this ability to converse with me almost about anything, it was a great meet up. There has been a few times where he kept repeating about how we think so alike. I felt good. It was pure. It was clean. I was not expecting anything. I could put myself in his shoes as someone who has been pretty much scarred from relationships in the past. It’s not like I’m in his position but I can totally respect that he was not looking for anything.

He did mention he felt like he has known me for a long time. He said we have so much in common and he did mention how he tells me things he would normally not tell others. Maybe it was the beer but I like to think that it was just that priceless amount of click between the two of us.

Will you believe me if I told you that meeting up with this man for one of the best conversations was so much more satisfying than great sex with someone I do not know. It was not because I was so hooked on him as well. I just felt this certain ease of tensionless good conversation between two men. No agenda, nothing but a potential friendship between me and Mr747.

His three questions were simple, except for the last one.

Beer or wine?

Tea or coffee?

Concord or 747?

He asked me think about the last question and we would talk about it when we met. After the meet up on Saturday, he said it was just a random question. I was not really sold that he was just asking it randomly. But yeah, the meet up went so well we both forgot to make more of why that question was asked.

Concord or 747? I guess I’ll know one day.

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Ex Scars

Some people would think I am not over my ex. By ex, I meant the Indonesian cutie I was in serious long distance relationship for a year and a half. It’s my award winning relationship and the only relationship that lasted that long and the only relationship I ever made an extra effort to travel to where he is. It was the relationship of my life, where my friend thought this was it and I would die clutching his hand like the old couple in the movie “Notebook”.

It is not hatred and I am totally over him after the break up. In fact, it was me who broke up with him. It was definitely not hatred but the disgust was there. I broke up with him because he was not the guy I have thought he would be. I am sure he did not mean to lie to me or to fake himself into making me fall for him but he turned out to be someone he is not. The thing here is, there is a big difference between getting there, got there and not getting there at all. I do admire anyone for who they are and I do admire anyone for trying their hardest to get somewhere. However, when it comes to faking one self as if they got there, it would disgust me to my core.

The issue was not big but little things did build up until the point that I just had to let go. I fell out of love and the man I once loved was not there anymore. By faking himself as if he got there, I meant to say how effected my ex was by things around him until the point that he would fake to belong. This made him lack his favorite and his taste. He would like or want something just because it’s trendy or because people talk about it. What he likes, what he has in his mind or what he actually is, I will never know.

mar15

So, when I said little things bug me, I will give you an example of the littlest thing he would do that would really tick me off. He would post pictures on his instagram of things around him that looks good. Ok, when I put pictures on instagram or if anyone was to post pics on instagram, it would have to be spontaneous and it would have to be something that comes into the head. Yes, some of us actually plan things and try to make things look good but those come from our spontaneous thoughts in our head. My ex would actually take some good pics but then he would come up with really cheesy captions that sounds like a caption of a marketing campaign. For example, he would post a picture of a sunset and he would start writing things like “some are just passing by but some are actually stopping by and enjoyin this awesome and a bit shy sunset”. Ok, first of all, English is not his strongest language and I can let that pass but the thing that bugs me from this is how it sounds like a caption of a life insurance commercial.

Maybe I’ve totally fell out of love, flat down on my face. I mean him no harm and he does have a good heart but things like that instagram post makes me cringe.

mar15.2Today, on Tinder, I met my match. It was a guy from Bali who just reached here. I’m definitely not racist and I do not have any preference with the ethnicity of men. He looks pretty hot from his picture. After a short intro at each other, I asked him how his day was and to this, he answered “Beautiful day”. I cringed!

It’s not the language. It’s not about where he was from. It’s not about judging that person. But I have to admit. The next person that I fall in love with would have to internally connect with me. Yes, you can say I do have high standards and maybe I am quite picky. And, I am not saying this guy is going to be my next boyfriend or anything but I guess it’s the scar of my ex’s past cringe-worthy habits that things like these make me cringe and they pretty much turn me off.

As someone who gets turned on by intellect, persona and personality, things like this kinda just make me lose interest. There is nothing wrong with saying ‘beautiful day’. Please don’t get me wrong. It’s just that when he said that, it reminds me of this retired 62 year old man sitting on a bench looking into a view from the top of a hill. It’s either that or it reminds me of my ex’s Instagram captions.

I have added the Bali guy from Tinder on my Whatsapp but I have yet to find out what will come out of this.

Potential Past Swipe

My psychic has told me for more than a few times to not go back to those guys I have had ‘moments’ in the past with. Don’t go back to your exes. Don’t go back to those people who you have met in the past. It almost seems like my love life is pretty much one directional according to what he said.

It also helps that I usually have full-package endings with my exes. Yes, my first ex is still on my Facbeook, and so is that person I was in a creepy online relationship with. However, I hardly talk to them and I don’t really find the need to delete them off my life. I’m just not that involved. As the other exes go, I have pretty much erased them out of my life. Some of them have tried to crawl back in and I have always been the type to cater that but fearing it would come across as a lead on, I just simply kicked them out of my life. Nothing personal. Just logically suitable to do so.

However, there are some men in the past that pretty much disappeared out of nowhere. There has been unexplained reasons to why they might have left it where it had ended. Some has been honest. There was this one guy who mentioned the sex just didn’t do for him anymore and I respect that. There were those who shy away. But then, there were those that just disappeared out of nowhere. Some of them also gave reasons but then again, those reasons kept me in wonders since I would not have wanted it to end as yet.

There was this one guy I have dated back when I was in uni. I would call him BenTheWerewolf, since he reminds me of a werewolf and his name IS actually Ben. Not having him in my life for pretty much more than five years, I am quite confident to blog about him with his real name. And seriously, there are 126,556 Ben’s in US alone (Ref : http://www.howmanyofme.com).

It all started off as a drink date, followed by following him to his place and I have to admit the sex was just awesome. Well, while drinking, we had a blast. Back when the word ‘selfie’ was not invented and when I used to go around with an actual camera in my pocket, I even had pictures with me and him drinking at Stonewall; for some reason, it seems so much easier back then to take pics, when people were not freaked out about their pics being exposed into the abyss of social media to be made into a meme or dumped into the hands of those profesh photoshoppers.

The year was 2009 and I managed to find a picture of me and BenTheWerewolf on my Facebook.

mar14

The reason that I have brought him back to my life now is… Well, I was swiping people on Scruff application today and I stumbled across someone on the profiles that looked like him. First of all, I won’t really know if he would swipe ‘interested’ on my picture but I swiped ‘interested’ on his picture. Oh I almost forgot. The reason that we stopped seeing each other back then was because I was looking into us as a date that could have progressed into a relationship. To him, it was more of a fun meet. I ended up messaging him too much more than I should and I guess this was when he realized we were not on the same wavelength. He did mention that he did not see us that way and that he was more than happy to just stay as friends. But me, being me back then, never went on. I was a bit upset I guess. I really liked him.

So, I do not really know if it was him on Scruff. The thing is, there was never drama between us and it would be great to meet again, especially in this era, where I’m pretty much more mature and logically sane. It would be great if he would swipe ‘interested’ on me since that was be the only way he could start a conversation with me. I don’t know what fate has in store for us but it’s quite fun to sit and wonder what would come out of this. Well, we’ll have to make sure that profile was him in the first place, don’t we?

Picking Antonio

I have mentioned this before. On how I do believe in psychics and fortune tellers but I do not rely on them. I do have one regular tarot card reader and a regular palm reader/spirit medium, who could predict my future and I have to admit, they both do a pretty awesome job. However, sometime ago back in around 2012, one of my best friends in Myanmar contacted me if I wanted to see this fortune teller.

This fortune teller is one of those that is called upon from oversea by one of the big shots in Myanmar. I am not supposed to say out the name of this big shot and thank God I have actually forgotten who it was. Apparently, this fortune teller is so spot on and I just had to go see him. I finally did and I instantly clicked with him. He’s a flamboyant gay in his late 30’s and he was one of those dead pan readers.

feb5-1

He does not care about what’s right or wrong and he just say it to the face of those who asked him about the future. He read my future. 2012 was the year I have become somewhat cynical about returning to Australia. The fortune teller told me that I would still be going back. How would that even be possible? Given I had not heard from my lawyer who was working on my offshore ‘permanent residency’ application and given there was huge change in the political scene in Sydney, I was a bit hesitant to believe him. Then, he mentioned about how the love of my life is a man I will meet in Australia and he would have a weird European name like “Antonio” or something along that line.

feb5-2Of course, I just kept what he said in my mind and I never really relied on it. However, look at me now! It’s been two years since I got back to Sydney and I am currently holding my PR legally! I never thought I would get back here but here I am.So what are the odds of me meeting the man of my dream, Antonio? Honestly, it’s not that easy to find Antonio’s out there and every time I dated someone whose name is not Antonio, I would always think twice on whether the guy I was dating back then would actually be the man of my life.

I guess I had not found my Antonio since I am still super single. However, whenever an Antonio chat with me, my heart would jump and I would get extremely excited to find out if he was the one. Unfortunately, the only “Antonio” I have talked to within these two years of my stay in Sydney was this guy I chatted from Grindr.

He sounds like a bitter guy who’s having a huge crisis with love. When we first talked, he mentioned that he was here to chat and he does not do sex just like that. Only minutes later, without me asking him, he sent me pictures of his cock. I found that super weird since I had not challenged him anything about hook ups and he defended about how he was on this dating app to have a proper chat and not sex at first meet, only to follow by pictures of his cock. What were those for then? I might not be a super major horny bastard but I do have my standards of being honest with what I want. Wanna fuck? Let’s do it. No drama. Wanna have coffee? Let’s do that! No drama. On the other hand, Antonio just like to dance around the table aimlessly.

So, it has been about two months since we last chat since I gave up talking with someone with so much potential for being bipolar. Antonio came up on Grindr and talked to me today. He talked as if we had never talked before. He talked as if we never had that conversation where he flaunted his sugar coated standards and his penis pictures. I finally told him that we had talked before, to which he did not react much. And I even told him how he had even given me cock pics. I am not so sure if he remembered or not but we conversed about trying to meet up. He asked if he could come around tonight and drive me around. I was honestly tired and I said next time, to which he had said “let’s try Wednesday night”

I do think of this person as someone who is not sane. I do not mean he is retarded but he seems to be just not right. I do not know of his agenda, nor his persona or his plan. I do feel as if I am talking to a different person each time we talk. It has been the second time I talked to him only and I felt like I am talking to this whole new person, making plans and getting hopes up high on meeting up. I am so not into it but somehow, I wanted to test the water. I want to find out if he is ACTUALLY the Antonio of my life.

 

Dirty February

feb1In comes the month of love. The month where flower shop owners get super excited and chocolate factories start revealing their thematic packaging, paved with pink or red color. It’s the month where boyfriends get busy with what gifts to buy for their girlfriends, and girlfriends start to wish or hope their boyfriends would at least send them flowers. It’s the month where couples start looking out for great places to wine and dine. It’s just that time of year expectations snowball into this huge load of stress for those who are crazily in love.

As for me, being single and pretty much not actively dating anyone at the moment, I ended up just trying to figure out who to have sex with this weekend. Do not get me wrong. I am not always this horny but since I have thought up of a great way to do things I enjoy whilst saving money, I have somewhat dug myself into this hole of lust. Funnily enough, just as I have got myself into this hole, it seems a bit harder to find lust these days. It’s like the price of gold in Myanmar. When you most want to re-sell your gold jewelry for profit, the lesser gold is worth and once you have sold it, the price would go up, only leaving you wishing you could’ve waited a little bit more.

With that in mind, although I have been actively searching for a bow-chik-a-wow-wow time, I try not to rush in. My aim is to look for potential regular buddies. If it’s just for a one time, he would have to be super good. The truth is it’s not that difficult to get laid in our gay world but it’s quite difficult to keep in touch or to plan things out. My gay dating app inboxes are swamped with men of different races, sizes and sexual positions they prefer. And I am not one of those sexy ass guys who get laid easily but it’s just the way it is. You put yourself out there and you get it. However, after all’s been talked out, it takes them so long to book an appointment for a sex drive. Here I am, ready with my engine, but it’s been taking these people forever to come let me ride them.

The month of February started with an offer. Yes, I do have offers from these gentlemen off the dating apps, which, as I have described above, are pretty much more talk than action. However, there was one offer today that was quite promising. But it comes from an ex. It’s not just an ordinary ex but it’s an online ex boyfriend. Here I am, feeling all stupid for having kept an online boyfriend, and there he was, still labeling me as his ex, as we talked today.

So, he was this guy I sort of put myself in a relationship with, when I was in Myanmar. He is in Australia of course, back then as well. We got ourselves into this mess of a relationship that was not there. I do not know what type of a guy he is but upon asking my friend to give him flowers on Valentine’s Day, I remember her describing him as someone nervous with shaking hands, probably from alcoholism. To make things a bit more worrying, he has a history of being kept in rehabs. All of these are happening of course, while we were both in an online Facebook relationship.

We lasted for a few good months, until he went to Indonesia and cheated on me with this Indonesian boy. Who was I kidding? A guy who I have not met and committed myself to via an online commute. Can I even call it cheating? Whenever I talk about him, I would always cringe. He was that boyfriend that never happened. However, when I came back here, we did meet for coffee and by then, he was with a boyfriend, to which he just wedded (yes, legally wedded in New Zealand, I believe) last year. I was invited to their wedding, which I did not go to, since I have no idea who’s who.

OnlineExBoyfriend contacted me today and asked me to meet up with him over the weekend. Thinking it was a normal meet-up, I was not that fuzzed about it. Then he mentioned something about wearing as little as possible. Well, ok. Maybe we might head to the beach? Then, it got weird when he actually wanted me to wear less, only so that he won’t have to strip a lot when we meet. Ok! First of all, isn’t he married?

At first I thought he was joking. A part of me thought he could’ve been sedated with some medication while he might have been back in rehab or something. However, he did sound convincing and I have to admit there were some points in our conversations that turned me on. He said “It would be great to have sex with an ex. That idea is hot” I have to admit, the idea IS hot. If I have to be fair, having sex with OnlineExBoyfriend was harmless. I do not know him, as much as his husband. For all I know, I would just be another victim a guy cheated on his partner on. Yes, it sucks but it’s not really my fault to go around checking if they have partners or not.

However, even though it was an online thing, both he and I had been connected before and I have nothing but respect for him. Even if it’s not for him, I do believe his husband deserves some piece of respect from me. When I get married to a man, the last thing I would want is his ex coming back for a piece of his meat. Like I said, it’s not up to me to decide what’s right or wrong, but karma is a bitch and I would not want me to bite me in the ass in the future when I have my partner.

Cheating is not good but it’s been done. But I do believe that most people should avoid having sex with people who are already in a relationship, unless they lie about it or they say they are in an open relationship. If they had lied about it, what can you do? If they are in an open relationship, it’s all ‘go’ zone. But yeah, having sex with OnlineExBoyfriend, no matter how hot it sounds, I am not going for it at all.

There goes the beginning of this month, the month we all worship ‘love’ a wee bit more than we would normally in the other eleven months of the year. Stained with this offer from an ex online boyfriend, who’s happily married. Gay life never ceases to amuse me, I guess.