Being super old-fashioned, I was never a fan of open relationships and ‘being cheated on’ will be one of the big things that would make me think less of a partner. Yes, call me selfish or a jealous type but, to me, why even bother trying to find that ‘one’ in your life when you want to mingle intimately with others?
The best thing about being with Fransi is how we can talk openly about each other. We were just having a breezy evening at his balcony, smoking on our ciggies, when we have reached that topic of ‘open relationships’. He asked “Why do you think people go for open relationships?” It does seem like a test question or that moment where I would have had to make sure I have the perfect answer since whatever I answered, be it correct or not, would state a mark on our relationship.
I do not mean to offend anyone and I do respect anyone who practices this on their own circumstances. I have also seen happy couples who does open relationships. So, whatever I am going to say below, is NOT the right answer. It’s not even my view to be honest but it’s just how I feel and what I practice.
If there is a pattern between those couples who does open relationships, there is this pattern of re-considering why they are together in the first place. I mean, some of us are infatuated with the idea of being in a relationship. Some of us find it a necessity to be in a relationship or have someone near them before they die. Call me crazy but I do not have that ideology of having to be in a relationship.
I do admit it used to be a fantasy of mine to want to be in a relationship. Being raised in a family and culture where we all feel the necessity to find love or get married and have kids, I have always been a huge fan of being with someone or ending up with someone. Slowly it faded. It first started from the cynical side, edged by a bit of bitterness. The chances of me being able to find that someone who can easily be in a relationship had thinned and I was just at the point of giving up.
Then, this bitterness turned out to be an embrace. I told myself that I would rather want to find that someone I want to spend my whole time with, without stress or drama. I had been doing really well on my own and I have always been able to be around good people and the last thing I need is to be with someone who I cannot lead a happy life with. So, that idea of being in a relationship has faded, but it was not being bitter but it was out of good will and good intention of being able to make it or not at all.
Before I met Fransi, I was doing well. Fransi was doing well as well. We both DID NOT need each other. But slowly, we both felt like we wanted each other. And that, to me, is the trigger of a healthy relationship. Now that we have each other, what is the point of having to be with someone else for sex? And of course before I gave myself up to this man I love, having good sexual contact was one of the factors of whether we could be together or not.
Another reason that I can think of is ‘ego’. Some of the friends I know have lost their mojo with their loved ones. They linger on together because they are afraid to be alone and the whole ‘getting older’ crisis gets in the way. With Fransi and I, we feed on each other support and compliments. He finds me as someone he has wanted his whole life and I feel the same.
With that, I told Fransi how that was my idea of ‘open relationship’. I don’t feel the need to because I have what I want and need with him. Good sex. Good person. And then I find it impossible to have to find someone to make me feel good about myself. And I am a lucky man because he agrees. Things can be so simple like that sometimes if we only take some time to analyze how these things commenced in the very beginning. Just sit down and ask yourself, I guess.