Ex Scars

Some people would think I am not over my ex. By ex, I meant the Indonesian cutie I was in serious long distance relationship for a year and a half. It’s my award winning relationship and the only relationship that lasted that long and the only relationship I ever made an extra effort to travel to where he is. It was the relationship of my life, where my friend thought this was it and I would die clutching his hand like the old couple in the movie “Notebook”.

It is not hatred and I am totally over him after the break up. In fact, it was me who broke up with him. It was definitely not hatred but the disgust was there. I broke up with him because he was not the guy I have thought he would be. I am sure he did not mean to lie to me or to fake himself into making me fall for him but he turned out to be someone he is not. The thing here is, there is a big difference between getting there, got there and not getting there at all. I do admire anyone for who they are and I do admire anyone for trying their hardest to get somewhere. However, when it comes to faking one self as if they got there, it would disgust me to my core.

The issue was not big but little things did build up until the point that I just had to let go. I fell out of love and the man I once loved was not there anymore. By faking himself as if he got there, I meant to say how effected my ex was by things around him until the point that he would fake to belong. This made him lack his favorite and his taste. He would like or want something just because it’s trendy or because people talk about it. What he likes, what he has in his mind or what he actually is, I will never know.

mar15

So, when I said little things bug me, I will give you an example of the littlest thing he would do that would really tick me off. He would post pictures on his instagram of things around him that looks good. Ok, when I put pictures on instagram or if anyone was to post pics on instagram, it would have to be spontaneous and it would have to be something that comes into the head. Yes, some of us actually plan things and try to make things look good but those come from our spontaneous thoughts in our head. My ex would actually take some good pics but then he would come up with really cheesy captions that sounds like a caption of a marketing campaign. For example, he would post a picture of a sunset and he would start writing things like “some are just passing by but some are actually stopping by and enjoyin this awesome and a bit shy sunset”. Ok, first of all, English is not his strongest language and I can let that pass but the thing that bugs me from this is how it sounds like a caption of a life insurance commercial.

Maybe I’ve totally fell out of love, flat down on my face. I mean him no harm and he does have a good heart but things like that instagram post makes me cringe.

mar15.2Today, on Tinder, I met my match. It was a guy from Bali who just reached here. I’m definitely not racist and I do not have any preference with the ethnicity of men. He looks pretty hot from his picture. After a short intro at each other, I asked him how his day was and to this, he answered “Beautiful day”. I cringed!

It’s not the language. It’s not about where he was from. It’s not about judging that person. But I have to admit. The next person that I fall in love with would have to internally connect with me. Yes, you can say I do have high standards and maybe I am quite picky. And, I am not saying this guy is going to be my next boyfriend or anything but I guess it’s the scar of my ex’s past cringe-worthy habits that things like these make me cringe and they pretty much turn me off.

As someone who gets turned on by intellect, persona and personality, things like this kinda just make me lose interest. There is nothing wrong with saying ‘beautiful day’. Please don’t get me wrong. It’s just that when he said that, it reminds me of this retired 62 year old man sitting on a bench looking into a view from the top of a hill. It’s either that or it reminds me of my ex’s Instagram captions.

I have added the Bali guy from Tinder on my Whatsapp but I have yet to find out what will come out of this.

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